What's the "feel" of your relationship?

Your first response may be that it "feels" great, or terrible, or like nothing at all because we haven't had sex in years and she wont even look at me and she only looks at Todd the Starbucks barista.

What I actually mean to say is that each relationship has a texture. It's going to get really difficult to type this without my inner 4th grader laughing but here we go.

Some relationships are really hard. The feel is like wood, or cement. Both partners are very firm with each other. They make reactive statements, they aren't available emotionally, they require a lot of themselves and each other. It's the romantic equivalent of two cinderblocks shoved next to each other.

Some relationships have more of a pillowy texture. Everything is mushy and sinks into each other. These partners oftentimes get lost in their emotions, there is too much considering the other's feelings and nobody seems to take a leadership position. Partners here don't have enough of a sense of self so the whole relationship seems flaccid. Also, sex may also be lacking here because all the energy is put into comfort and there's no place for a healthy sex drive to kick in.

Some relationships are the hard going up against the soft. These partners have a relationship that is oftentimes gridlocked and involves each getting upset with each other for being how they are. "Why do you have to be so rigid?" - "well, I wouldn't be so rigid you pillowy bastard if you could make a decision or have some kind of a backbone." Etc.

This whole thing isn't even to say that there is a preferred texture or feel to a good relationship, but rather can we realize and bring attention to what is our dynamic? Having that awareness allows both partners to be more understanding and flexible, which in turn is more likely to create a sense of closeness and harmony as opposed to arguing about Todd again.

Great Todd, you can make a latte, but guess who pays the insurance premiums in this house? That's right it's gonna take more than a green smock and a 40 dollar haircut to win over my wife.